When i was younger I never felt like anyone cared for me much. I was never chosen 1st for anything, never told "Your my best friend" by anyone. Instead the kids called me fat joe-dirt. I wasnt even fat! They told me "Your parents dont love you because your adopted" I never got that. no... my parents adopted me because they did love me! no! your wrong!
My mother said I was too butch not dainty not feminine not a girl. my father said "get yur self a wife and a strap-on!" haha -.- but Im not like that. I like men and their bodies more then my own! I like the image of a womans face for delicate painting subjects,but truly women? never. I had to be tough and rough. Iv softened out lately I FEEL. ya know Im told how to feel alot, told who to be told what to do and told what i shouldnt do when I dont ask, or when I dont need it. "Dont boss her around she 30 years old for godsake!" yeah well if that bitch is 30 years old why cant she do her fucking job right! Im 17, worked here longer and shes 30 and cant do a damn thing right and wants a promotion? she worked her for 3 weeks, me? 5 months i THINK i can say I know how to do my job. Ugh, yeah sure Im not the most delicate flower in the bunch. I mean I guess im a thistle? prickly, haha.
back to the joe-dirt thing. so I guess no one found me very attractive but my mother- now you know its bad when only your mom loves how u look and tries to talk you into it. Now Im 17, had 8 guys, and I still dont feel attractive yet what can I say- the boys like my body? ew. I hope not. ugh. Dont get me wrong, I think to some extent im pretty- but Im not like hott and I dont place myself high above anyone else. Im average. I just happen to have some confidence that I can go out there and not be recognized by a bunch of people as the ugliest or the hottest woman alive. it happens. for you average people lets face it- we like how we are- we have an odd confidence that if someone says "your hair is diffrent today" we dont assume they mean ugly or sexy so we wont go kill ourselves tomorrow and blog before hand saying "no one stop me" when we know we will get people either saying "ur beautiful!" or just people whop no longer give a fuck anymore that teens abuse the internet to post dumb shit like that. dont get me wrong, that's tragic- if ur serious- otherwise its sad, that you cant be just happy with who you are and say "FUCK YOU- YOUR NOT EVEN FIT ENOUGH TO WIPE MY ASS WITH THATS HOW PATHETIC YOU ARE FOR BULLYING ME!" sure, no one has that kinda guts, but i mean id smack em. my mother says thats too rough for a lday- well shit! ha, I dont care, my baby cousin got picked on I went straight to the damn horses mouthes to bitch slap those hoes back to reality. I mean I didnt hurt them- I just said " Your a bully, its ok that you have insecurites about yourself but dont go dragging my girl down just cuz your mommy wont buy you an iphone, some of us actually have dignity" btw thats to a bratty 8th grader who yelled at my cousin "FUCK YOU!" and took her innocence away by awakening her to a cruel world too soon. I like a blunt person- I mean I hate them, but I respect it. You have the balls to say what everyone else was thinking- good job. But when that bluntness turns to abuse or ur doing it to the point where you have either a lynch mob or the kids your picking on are lynching themselves, well now thats abuse or manslaughter nice job.
But really, there are people who need to speak up- if not for you for others. your being yelled at by someone for doing nothing, and its there fault tell them. your getting rude facebook comments, delete and unfriend. that easy. dont end your life when theres something better around the corner- or even next to you. not worth it. who gives up with out a fight that gives ur bully wayyyyy more power. I pushed back, I shoved that bastard who commented about my adoption, and when a kid was kicked out of a room just because there was an asshole in there who didnt like him- I told the librarian and she shut it down. Its ok to squeal- if you dont someone could literally die. its not ok to squeal when the police are involved or your friend and her parents or principle or your parents are involved. Because who does that? really. if you cant fix it yourself then ask a friend. if they cant then go to an adult.
I was bullied- i am a product of my enviornment and I am fine, I love myself. have confidence and you cant really get burned. to all us average people; your welcome.